i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
