I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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