better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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