That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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