turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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