I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
