It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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