Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
