This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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