Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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