shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
