She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize