I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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