turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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