I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
