We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
