Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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