You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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