My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
