I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
