I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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