I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
this hospital has no fireball
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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