what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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