God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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