when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
