I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
