i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
