So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
