First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
