Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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