i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
