oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
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i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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