Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
