and you said cock pushups were impossible
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
