Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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