Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
