the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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