My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
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I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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