hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
