please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
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she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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