Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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