I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
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I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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