I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
