I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
