Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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