im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
