I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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