I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
