Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
