i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
