And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
