my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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