sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize