Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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