Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
