that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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