Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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