We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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