the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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