____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
