The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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