everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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