I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I currently don't understand fingers.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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