lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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