a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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