had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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