Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize