Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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