Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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