Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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