Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
