I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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