so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
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It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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